"You can always come home."
I've always thought that it was possible. Even knowing that over the years of visiting, everything and everyone has changed. What is the enticement of going home? I've learned that it's just the memories of all the good times that were had. The memories of the people and the places that were the fun and comforting things that happened on a daily basis. Just as I've changed with time so has everyone else and all the places of the past. Some people have changed more than others. Some places aren't even places anymore.
So what else brings a person to wanting to come home again? Sometimes it seems like the most rational thing to do. You're in a situation that doesn't seem to be going anywhere and you want a reset. You think that, by going home, you can start anew. The part you don't think about is that nothing changes, you're just in a different place. There are no magical qualities about being home that can change your situation. You're still wandering aimlessly trying to figure out who you are or what you are going to do.
You don't think about how people have changed and all the things you've missed out on. Other than the slim number of people you've actually tried to keep in touch with, you have no idea what has happened to the majority of others that are still here. It's impossible to keep up with everyone but it's the memories of them that linger. Just as I'm no longer the big funny man I used to be, I'm sure others are no longer the way they once were.
Being home is nothing like you remember once you're gone for very long. It's a fun place to go for memories and to catch up but is it a place to return to?
Remember that concert t shirt you have packed away from that show you went to when you were 15? You keep it around for the memories but it doesn't fit anymore. So you pack it away in hopes that you might run across it again or in hopes that it might fit again some day. Coming home is kind of like that. You know it's there and you hope that you might be able to revisit it. Sometimes you find that you've just outgrown it or it doesn't fit as you hoped it would.
Time change, people change and attitudes change. People are still people. They're still the people you remember just different. Just like myself, they've grown up and seen different things. Some are less open minded, some are more closed off and many have new responsibilities that don't allow them to be what they were or do things you want them to be able to do. That's life and that's how things are. Which changes the thoughts that helped to bring about the entire coming home inspiration.
I'd dare to say that most people don't think about all these things when they think about coming home. After all, it's usually a pretty selfish idea to begin with. I want to go home because I need to. I want to go home to get centered and find myself. I want to go home to have fun again. I want to go home to be home.
Overall, home is where ever you want home to be. If you're not having fun or things aren't going the way you want them to go, it's your own fault. There are no magical start over buttons. There are just memories of how things used to be and actions to make what you want become what you have.
Sometimes even I have to remind myself of all these things. Even I have succumbed to that magical reset button. Now it's up to me to relieve myself from it's trap.
