A little insight into me.

Ok. Here we go. Let's see.... topic.. How bout drugs?

Ah drugs, the things that make you go oooo... or ahhh... or WHAT THE FUCK? WHERE'D THAT BODY COME FROM!?

Let's start out simply. I was never one of the people that got drunk at high school house parties. I was never one of the kids that got wasted at college parties. I've never been a person that has ever seen a need for doing any type of drugs. In fact, if I look hard enough, I would probably find a bottle of Vicoden laying around from back in 99 or 00 when I had the remains of my appendix taken out.

I've never had the want or necessity to do any of these things. Maybe it was because my father drank a lot when I was very small. Maybe it was because of the numerous times I had to hold the hair of my sister who is 8 years older than me. Maybe it was because of the times I had to babysit my sister's son due to her being too drunk, stoned or cracked out. It might even have to do with watching how it effected my siblings and how I really didn't want to turn out like them.

Seems that all of this would have the opposite effect on a person. They say that most people turn out like the people they grew up with. Luckily I grew up with a group of people that were nothing like any of the things said above. No, I was never in foster care. I grew up with my natural family. They're some of the best people and they taught me much. I did have a group of friends that felt the same as I did.

So when people ask me what I do with my off days I tell them. I spend them at home. I watch tv, play video games, draw or screw around on the internet. "Why not go out on your days off?" Good question, I guess. Why would I? I rarely drink and I spend 4 nights a week in a 4am bar. Should I go there so I can sit around, drink water, listen to loud music and see what happens? No, I think not. You see, after you do my type of work long enough, it doesn't matter where you are, you start to work. Why go to work if your not getting paid?

I know a lot of people really like it when I do go out to drink on those 2 or 3 occasions in a year. But here's the question to you. Would you think it's funny and great if I drank like that on a weekly basis? Would you think it's funny and great that I'm acting like a complete idiot and playing grab ass on a weekly basis? I doubt it. I know it gets tiring for me to see after a while.

I don't want this to come off as a high an mighty roller sounding blog. I'm no better for not doing drugs than a person that has done drugs and survived. By survive I mean a person that isn't out begging for change just so they can get another fix. Once again, I've seen that on a personal level as well.

To be more to the point. I don't care about people smoking weed. It's far from being anything worse than smoking a cigarette. Any type of cocaine, heroin and the such are what I'm mainly talking about.

So in my personal life, I'm against drugs. I don't give a shit if anyone does them. Honestly, I don't care. I know plenty of people that do and that's your choice. It's when your choice starts to invade my life that I take interest. When your choice starts to sneak it's little head into my personal area I start to get upset. I don't like being upset. It usually involves me calling you out, an argument and someone not being happy. At times it might even involve someone finding a new home.

So with all of this being said, I hope it shines a little light on me. If you've ever wondered why you don't see me on my off nights now you know. It's rare and far between that I go out and a 12 pack lasts me months at home.

Worthy of Passing Along.

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Old man.

I think I've finally became the old guy. Relatively speaking, since I'm not that old.

I'm the guy that likes to sit at home. I'm the guy that doesn't like to "party". I'm the guy that would much rather sit at home and have people over rather than meet up at a bar and spend money.

I'm the guy that either likes you or doesn't really care. The one that listens because he wants to or starts to look around because I just don't want to hear about how horrible your life is. Everyone's life is horrible in some way. Live with it or change it, the choice is yours.

I realize your job sucks, mine does too at times. If your really that upset about your job then get a new one. Just because you went to school for that particular thing doesn't mean you have to do that. One thing I've learned over the years is that my job doesn't represent who I am. Don't let it consume you, it's only 8 - 10 hours of your day. You've got another 14 - 16 hours of who you really are.

Jobs are just a way to secure income so you can live your life. They're not meant to be your life. Of course, some people have no life to begin with and so they make their job their life.

I don't spend much time out and about. Why? Because I like to spend time at home. I pay rent for a place to live, not a place to sleep. Thus, I try to fill it with things that I like and I don't make my home a place for people to come and aww over. It might not be the cleanest or the most picturesque but it's home.

Home is where you hang your hat, not your heart? This makes sense in different ways. My heart is not where I am. Hearts are not to be given to inanimate things. Hearts are for things that are extremely important to you. Which might include a few inanimate things that once belonged to someone that was extremely important to you.

I've never had a reason to "party". I've never had a reason to accept that into my life either. You can ask a person that was very close to me at one time. She still doesn't hear from me because she can't control her alcohol. It's a shame, sisters don't grow on trees.

People have said that they don't want to approach me because I seem to serious or agitated. That's just how my face settles when I'm bored. So I'm probably really bored when you see me.

I'm particular in certain ways that I don't want to get in depth about. It might make me seem like a bigot or a man. Either way, I know what I like and you might think differently.

As for now. I'm just agitated. Why? Because all these things go through my head on a daily basis.

I need to change a few of these. Time will tell. Until then, I keep doing what I do and in time it will all change. No need to bitch and moan until it's over.

Like water off a duck's back, it all slides away.